“Nuke’em, Truman!”

Denver. Seems like Demons GM Klaus von Meyerinck is back for good. At least the craziness has returned to Denver – and that is pretty darn obvious even as the first game of the new season has yet to be played. But KvM played a heavy hand in the selection of the new head coach Truman Badger who so far hasn’t coached a single game in the OBWL as HC. But what can you do when your GM clearly went crazy about the guy? “Nuke’em, Truman!”, KvM shouted at the introductory press conference for the HC.

The man himself did not add much –  not that he could have. Again KvM did all the talking. And before we forget, the following draft was heavily influenced by the HC and the GM – and resulted in the much maligned and questionable selection of 17 year old kid Thomas Covert.

But why not browse the protocol of the press conference introducing Truman Badger – sort of. Here’s what went on.

Francesca Tasini, Demons head of PR department: Welcome folks or as we would say in my home country “bien venuti”  to our press conference introducing our new head coach. With me on the podium today are our GM Klaus von Meyerinck and our new head coach Truman…

KvM, Demons GM: Truman!! Hahaha. Nuke’em , baby! Blow them all to hell!!

Tasini: Truman Badger as I wanted to say. So the floor is open to your questions. Dan, you’re first

Daniel Bickerlow, Denver Hoops: Truman…

KvM: Hahaha, Truman! That’s why I choose him. Nuke’em , baby! This guy got a huuuge set of balls.

Bickerlow: Mr. Badger, if that helps, you are a first time head coach and your last job as AC with the Sharks went… well, the Sharks didn’t really impress and why do you think did you get the job in Denver and what are your plans with the team?

Truman Badger, Demons HC: Thanks, Dan, great question. Four core values have always determined my work and those are…

KvM: Who cares? Core values my ass. You got a cool name, buster, that’s what got you the job. Now nuke that fuckin’ OBWL, blow them all to hell. Truman! Hahaha, got it?

Badger: As I was trying to say, four core val…

KvM: Please, man, no one gives a damn about your values. Go coach New Jersey Woke e’ lotion if you care about values. I want you to nu…

Bickerlow: With all due respect, KvM, could you please let the coach do the talking and…

KvM: Shut up. Ban Dicklow.

Bickerlow: The name is Dan Bickerlow and…

KvM: No, I meant ban Dicklow. You’re out. Francesca, be a dear and call Da Mario, I want my seafood spaghetti ready in five minutes, we are almost done here. And now ban Ban Dicklow. He’s out. Ban Ban Dicklow – wasn’t that a wrestler?

Tasini: Uhm, anyone else a question? Please? About the draft, maybe…

KvM: Oh, that stupid draft. Tell you what, guys. Truman here has a 16 year old daughter, well, she’s as ugly as he is, hehehe, but somehow…

Badger: With all due respect, my daughter is a bright young wo…

KvM: Yeah, she’s a bride to be and that’s even a bigger sensation than you finishing this year as our HC if you keep interrupting me. Anyhow, she got that little boyfriend Thomas Covert and if you knew how ugly she is you would know that he’s the only one she’ll ever find, so to do my buddy Truman here a favor, we drafted him since he happens to be a huge Demons fan and he was the water boy of some untalented college team. And since he is as tall as he is ugly and lacks taste in women we are calling him a Center. You see, Truman, baby, I went out of my way to make you comfortable here. Now all you got to do is get up… yes, now! Get up, get out, get in the gym and start turning these guys in my locker room into lean mean fighting machines. Go. Goo! And then, Truman, nuuuuuke that league.

Tasini: Anyone, another question? No?

KvM: No. Let’s go to Da Mario, ‘Cesca baby. Time that I show you those long long things that you can put in your mouth and…

Tasini: Thanks everyone. We’re done here!